Give me back my joystick

I just want to play again…

Later at fifteen, in classic Virgo fashion, I sat down and wrote out my life’s plan. I would be married in my 20′s and before I turned 30 I would already have a child. But plans changed and at 28 I left my fiance, my house in the suburbs, my career and started from scratch.

When I met the Intellect, I fell madly in love for the first time in my life at 30. Everything became fuzzy, but I was happy with fuzzy…fuzzy could stay. I was drunk by him and we were going to run off to Italy together, travel, practice medicine, paint and be in love. But plans changed, we crumbled and so did I until I had to pick up the pieces and take myself to Italy…alone.

I had to wonder why things kept changing when all I was ever trying to do was get control of the damn joy stick and make it go as planned. I wondered why I become so overwhelmed around this time of year. I realized the answer laid in my modality of practice – Chinese Medicine. Based on the five elements (wood, fire, earth, metal and water), the winter pertains to the water element where concentrated energy should be harnessed. In the coming months this energy would be released outwards just in time for the spring. But if energy is wasted and if we continue to push hard and drill forward without a second thought about ourselves, the rest of the water cycle weakens. The organ that’s applied here is the kidneys and in Western Medicine, our adrenal glands sit directly on top of them and the exact same principle would apply, because when we push too hard, they become exhausted, leading to burn out. Imbalanced emotions that arise are fear and paranoia while physically we may develop a poor resistance to colds and flus…did I mention I’ve been fighting something?

Now I feel quite hypocritical writing to you at 1:48am when the last thing I’m doing is resting and nourishing my energy. However I couldn’t help but write my thoughts and share with you a recipe that I made today which is one kidney loving food.

1 cup cooked wild rice

2 organic or naturally-raised chicken breast cubed (cubes of tofu can be used as a veggie option)

1 apple cubed

1 cup chopped pecans

4 cloves garlic chopped

1/2 cup shitaki mushrooms chopped

1/2 red onion diced

1/2 cup chopped nori seaweed

1/2 cup roughly chopped parsley

1 tbsp organic butter

salt & cracked pepper

Grated zest from one organic lemon (remember to wash the skin)

Juice from half lemon

Finely chopped 2 inch piece of ginger

2 tablespoons agave nectar

1/2 tsp cayenne pepper

1/4 cup brown rice vinegar

1/4 cup tamari sauce

2 tbsp toasted sesame oil (make sure to refrigerate after opening)

2 tbsp organic olive oil

Begin by making the dressing and combine all ingredients in second paragraph of items and mix thoroughly with a fork or with a mini food processor. Set aside.

Now if you are opting to go vegetarian begin by browning tofu in a very large skillet on all sides and set aside. Otherwise, place butter into the skillet on medium to high heat and add in diced red onion, garlic and juice from half a lemon. Add in salt and cracked pepper and cook for five minutes and add in pecans, shitaki mushrooms, apples and nori seaweed. Add in cooked wild rice into skillet and toss everything together until well combined. Toss in the dressing, plate and add fresh chopped parsley individually to each plate and never in the middle of cooking.

Serves 4

Almost every component of this dish from the seaweed, to parsley, to the mushrooms, to the wild rice nourishes our kidney energy and the imbalanced emotions that may come up. It’s tasty and wonderful for an afternoon lunch treat. I typically go a little overboard with parsley and add more than what I’ve recommended above because I’m obsessed with parsley.

When seeking to nourish my fears while in Italy, I met Katrina Brunsden, a wonderful healer who said to me that I shouldn’t set goals.

Absurd, I thought. Goals are important. We all need them as a form of measurement.

But I was wrong.

It’s a vision that we can create, because goals simply imply that we become attached to an outcome…and as you might have figured out already, it doesn’t always go as planned. So maybe when we become fearful of losing control, we may have to surrender to the crazy idea that we might not have as much of it as we initially thought.

And that just maybe, we can try to understand that we’re exactly where we’re suppose to be…and that it’s okay.

Because, it’s only ever really temporary. After all, the only constant thing in life is change.