Just call me Kaiser Soze.

In addition to cleansing, lately, Ive been feeling a little tickle in my throat.  Being proactive, I decided to get some ginger to make my Sexy Hot Cold Kicker…pronto.  So on my way to produce, I stopped at the bread department when someone caught my eye.  Looking over there he was, someone vaguely familiar…but I just couldn’t place it.  I squinted my eyes and searched the inner depths of my brain before I realized…

Oh my God, I slept with him.

[Melissa hides behind the kaisers]

Please allow me to explain.  I almost didn’t want to write about this because this honestly makes me sound like a complete hussy and trust me when I say I’m not.  I know several women who almost seem as though they’re competing with Facebook for friends as they are with their lovers, but I’m certainly not one of them.  This was simply a scenario where it was one person I blocked out so much so, that I completely erased him from my mind…er…and list.  Dear God.

[Enter flashback]

It was two summers ago when I had met The Sock Man.  He was the only person I had ever went out on a date with that I had met in a club.  He seemed normal at the time and even on our first date, he made me a huge lamb roast with all the fixings.  I was impressed – how couldn’t I be?  Food is my thing.  After several dates, a neurosis unveiled.

[Melissa and The Sock Man drive through the Beaches area in Toronto.]

Usually when people in service piss me off, I just ban the whole place.

Really? I replied thinking, This guy seems like an angry fella.

Ya. See that place?  Banned. That one there? Banned!  That one?  BANNED! BAH BAH BAH BAHNNNED!

It was a first. I had never seen anyone verbally shoot down restaurants, coffee shops, gas stations and pet stores (geez, there’s little puppies in there!), but The Sock Man did.  He shot down every single one and in one breath took down all of Toronto.  Finally getting to the restaurant, we sat down and ordered sushi.  Carefully, I watched his lips as he ordered in fear that our friendly little Japanese waiter would be taken down.  Be careful Mr. Miyagi, The Sock Man is armed and dangerous.

We order sake and I begin to nervously drink.  Nonetheless, I was still hopeful about The Sock Man which seemed to triumph over my deep rooted understanding that he clearly was never going to be the one.

[Enter little sake cup serving #2]

Trying to stir up some conversation, I decided to ask him about this quirks…why, I don’t know…as if I hadn’t heard enough.  My hopes were nearly shot down about half hour ago with the rest of the city.  There he hesitantly began to explain his neurosis, particularly with socks.

The Sock Man had not only a routine with his socks but more of a ritual.  His socks were sacred and were to be washed separately and only in cold water with premium delicate laundry detergent.

[Enter little sake cup serving #3]

I was scared to ask him if one went missing what he would do.  Would he shoot someone down verbally?  I was convinced, this man was a serial verbal killer.

He knew which sock went on his right foot and which one went on his left. Geez, I’m lucky if I can find two matching ones half the time. Plus he had a very specific folding and putting away method where the colours were alphabetically arranged (e.g. black, blue, brown, grey, white). I began to wonder if he had a shrine of these socks, or if golden light would shine as he opened the drawer like it did in Pulp Fiction when they opened up the briefcase. I was officially creeped out.

[Little sake cup serving #4 and #5...we order another bottle]

Diverting the conversation over to sunnier and more sane topics, I begin to talk about travel, food and movies. Suddenly, The Sock Man appears to look normal…which quite possibly could have been the enormous amount of sake I drank.

Later that evening arriving at the front of my door, I did the worst thing possible – I invited The Sock Man in.

Following a clumsy uneventful overnight stay, I quickly ushered him out saying my goodbyes in the morning and despite his calls the day after, I said adieu to The Sock Man.

[Flashback to the present day as Melissa hides behind the kaisers]

I was beginning to feel nauseous and in addition to my Sexy Hot Cold Kicker, I decided to pick up a couple ingredients to treat myself after I was narrowly killed by the serial verbal Sock Man.

CREAMY RAINBOW LOVE WRAP
1 rice wrap
1/2 avocado sliced lengthwise
3 tbsp shredded carrot
1 small handful mixed greens or arugula
1 nori sheet or pinch of arame (which should be soaked for 10 minutes to soften)
1/4 maitaki mushroom diced (marinated in 2 tbsp honey + 3 tbsp olive oil for about 10-15 mins)
Pinch pickled ginger (which I soak in a little beet juice for a beautiful fushia colour)
Pinch of wasabi paste

ONION RINGS
1/4 red onion sliced thinly
2 tbsp melted coconut oil
1 tbsp honey
4 tbsp ground flax seeds
Pinch sea salt

Mix melted coconut oil and honey mixture together and toss in maitake mushrooms and red onions to marinate for 20 minutes.  Take out onion slices and coat in ground flax.  Place coated onions in fridge for mixture to harden.

Soak 1 rice paper roll in room temperature water carefully until it softens.  Gently pull it out and lay flat on a cutting board.  Begin to assemble items: place nori sheet down, followed by wasabi paste, mixed greens, shredded carrot, maitake, “onions rings” from the fridge, avocado  and pickled ginger.  Begin to carefully roll and fold wrap and cut down the middle with a serrated knife.

Makes one wrap (Double for two).

Maitake mushrooms might not be easily found in stores, so if you can’t find it, then settle for another mushroom that you may not have ever tried.  Mushrooms in general really help to detoxify the system as they scavenge on decaying matter whether its on a tree or within our bodies and safely eliminate it.  These toxins include mucus from our lungs, undesirable fat in the blood and evil little pathogens lurking about. Mushroom types like maitake and reishi are touted for their ability to greatly elevate immune function and increase longevity.  Not to mention, these little bad boys are sponges and they’re able to soak up just about any marinate and enhance it.  Pure, sexy goodness.

So with sexy food  ingredients, I line up to cash out and begin to think about love, connection and obsession.  I, Melissa Ramos am obsessed with food…and sexy food at that.  The Sock Man on the other hand, with his socks.  Strange?  Maybe, but somehow, we all find comfort in something.  Maybe we’re all freaks in our own way and when it comes down to it, it’s just a matter of perception. And what about love and connection? Well, I’m still a die hard romantic and put faith in real connection and true love.  However there are many times we push forward with blinders despite our best judgment.  Somehow we encounter these charges of romantic delusion and semantic folly that we fall into something we know isn’t right – and take it from me, sake is not the answer to seeing the light.  Instead, just like our food and we need to use all five senses, plus our sixth (our intuition) to know what we need and what we should really be doing without.  It’s about listening to that sometimes irritating little voice that begs us for balance.  Which brings me to my current sock choice: a faded black one and a blue one that has a nifty little ventilated system for my big toe.  Yes, certainly an area of my life that requires a little more balance.

Speaking of a need for balance…Week 2 of this 28-Day Sexy Food Therapy Cleanse?  Here I come…