Lately, I feel like I’m living out of my car. In it, contains all of a woman’s basic necessities: blowdryer, flat iron, brush, deodorant, coconut body lotion, a change of shoes, jacket, several tops, jeans, white bra (because the black one I have on right now would show right through my spare white top) and a couple of my key supplements. This four-wheeled lifestyle is as ungrounded as it gets. There is no rhyme or reason to my packing either and maybe there should be. My maca powder unleashed it’s nutty fury when it opened up its adrenal tonifying power in my purse. Plus I think my leather gloves have had enough of being stuffed into bags and purses, that one of them has jumped ship. So long $60 leather glove…you will be missed by my chilly left hand.
I’ve woken up disappointed to realize that the hot guy that I’ve woken up to is really my gay friend and shit, I left my white bra in my closet…the trunk of my car. I’m really trying to flow with the holiday cheer, but the goofy elf hat worn by the Barrista here at Timothy’s is annoying me and I’m beginning to realize I am one grumpy little elf.
The holidays has a way of making people feel either annoyingly giddy or sad as they remember loved ones or wish they had one during this season. I can’t say I’m completely alone either. What I’ve failed to tell you is that
Biscotti hasn’t actually left the building…rather he has one foot outside the door. Somehow, this works and I can only cross my fingers, toes and eyes (
ouch) that this doesn’t blow up in my face. In the long run, Biscotti the country-lovin’ hippy at heart will never meet this city-lovin’, Hudson jeans wearing girl half way. I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed our
special little friendship, however I will miss some of the
special parts as Biscotti has decided to go into a path of self-healing, meditation and celibacy…
yes, that’s right folks…celibacy. Somehow I’ve supported his decision to realize that he’s used
sex as an escape for his life’s problems and have provided him with resources to help him.
Yes, somehow I have single handedly supported a man to not have sex with me…starting Wednesday.
[The grumpy little elf has somehow become even grumpier]
So in an effort to become a little jollier, I decided to coordinate my work’s holiday potluck. Armed with a bottle of red wine, I walked up to my boss’ front door which opened to greet me as I extended my hands to give her cookies.
SEXY ALMOND CACAO COOKIES1/2 cup pitted medjool dates (soaked for 5mins in hot water)
1/4 cup organic olive oil
1/4 cup maple syrup
1/4 cup ground flax or chia seeds
2 tsp pure vanilla extract
1 cup almond butter
1/2 cup almond meal flour
3/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 sea salt
1/2 cup cacao nibs
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Blend dates, coconut oil and honey until smooth.
Seperately mix hemp, almond meal, baking soda, salt and almond butter until well combined.
Transfer date mixture to a medium-sized bowl and add ground flaxseeds and vanilla; beat until well combined. Add almond butter and beat again.
Drop a tablespoon’s worth of cookie dough onto a parchment lined cookie sheet and lightly flatten. Bake for 12 minutes. Transfer carefully to a wire rack to cool. Cookies will hold together well after 10 minutes of cooling.
Food is everywhere during the holidays and I was determined to provide something that was gluten and dairy-free to stick to
Project Skinny Jean. Plus the protein and fat in these cookies make the glycemic index of these cookies relatively low and balance out the natural sugar used. So while you’ll be tempted to eat the whole batch, remember moderation and eat responsibly.
Sitting down with my co-workers getting a little giddy off some wine and treats, I looked down at my phone which lit up and presented this little grumpy elf with one very unexpected gift…
Hey there. I’m going to be in New York for business and I’d love to see you. I’ll take care of the flight if you just agree to meet me there. Say yes beautiful…
Faced with one hell of a predicament, I looked down at my phone in disbelief and looked up at
Dutchy (
my best friend) wide-eyed.
To be continued…
Lately, I feel like I’m living out of my car. In it, contains all of a woman’s basic necessities: blowdryer, flat iron, brush, deodorant, coconut body lotion, a change of shoes, jacket, several tops, jeans, white bra (because the black one I have on right now would show right through my spare white top) and a couple of my key supplements. This four-wheeled lifestyle is as ungrounded as it gets. There is no rhyme or reason to my packing either and maybe there should be. My maca powder unleashed it’s nutty fury when it opened up its adrenal tonifying power in my purse. Plus I think my leather gloves have had enough of being stuffed into bags and purses, that one of them has jumped ship. So long $60 leather glove…you will be missed by my chilly left hand. 
