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Carla Collins

Sexy Scoop with Carla Collins

I can always admire women who are not only smart, but can leave me almost pee’ing my pants and no one fits the bill better than Carla Collins. She is an award-winning comedian, actress, television and radio host and author and she never stops. I had the pleasure of being interviewed by Carla on her show, Speakeasy on XM radio and she never ceases to put a huge smile on my face. This probably one of my favourite Sexy Scoop interviews. It’s not only smart, but hilarious and Carla reveals with us a side of her that you’ll love even more.

For more information please go to www.carlacollins.com and follow that crazy white chick on Twitter @carla_collins

Let me start by saying that you look amazing. Have you always been health-conscious and if not, what was the tipping point for you?

Why thank you Darlin, you’re making me blush! (Say with bad Southern accent), I like to believe I have always been somewhat health-conscious, it helped that my parents had me start dance lessons before I was 3 years old. Probably because I was spinning around the house like a Chihuahua on meth and they thought it best to channel my energy into something constructive. That gave me a good base and I’ve always worked out. I was also pretty lucky in that I had the metabolism of a young NBA player but I got smart about food mostly in the past decade or so. It just finally dawned on me what we feed our machines with is vitally important for optimal health, well-being and longevity; not to mention great skin and hair! Vanity is always a powerful motivator for me. So are fear and desperation which I’m often fueled by. I don’t just watch what I eat and work out to stay in shape but also to stay out of prison! I now stick to a mostly plant-based diet because it works for me and I love animals. (Often more than people…) I still have fun and the occasional treat because I don’t ever want to be too fussy all the time, only 8 month-olds should be fussy.

In your bestselling book, Angels, Demons and Douchebags, you talk about how there are Angels who guide us through our lives. Who is YOUR angel and why?

My Mom, Rosemarie, is definitely my angel and has always been there for me. She is my best fiend, my mentor, my therapist, my kindred spirit, my hero and my drinking partner! I love and admire her because she is a passionate, brilliant, hilarious, warm, inclusive, generous, wonderful human being. We talk every day, travel well together and she is my best audience, she comes to all my comedy shows, the woman is a saint! I am overwhelmed by her constant support and incredible wisdom. I’m so blessed to have her in my life and cherish every moment with her. I always say she’s my best feature. Unless I’m pissed off with her, then I go with my eyes. A close second would be my brother Rick who is a little stinker genius and always keeps me honest and on track. We’ve been inseparable since he came into this world and he is much funnier and smarter than I could ever be so I just steal a lot of his material. Finally, my dogs have saved my life more times than I can count, they are little furry angels who love unconditionally. I love all animals but I don’t have a cat, I get enough rejection in LA.

carla collinsCan you share with us a difficult time that you went through and what helped get you through it? Was food a part of it?

I won’t dwell on this particular difficult time so I’ll cut right to the money shot. My father, whom I was very close to growing up, had been going south for quite some time and ended up gambling all of the family’s money away (among other unpleasant things). This was understandably horrible for our close-knit family and it had a huge impact on all of us. Fortunately, my mom and bro and I had each other and many wonderful friends to help us through these trying times. My theory is, I had a great childhood so it was just my turn to go through hell. As Michael J. Fox once said: “We all have our own bag of hammers to deal with”. My other philosophy is, when a difficult problem rears its ugly honkin’ head, it never helps to try and solve it with another problem. For example, getting wasted, having a public nervous breakdown or posting a montage of naked selfies might be fun in the short term but eventually you realize they do nothing to actually heal you or help you move on with your life. For me, the most powerful cures were to work out like a Spartan and to write and perform comedy as much as humanly possible. Now I could jump up and do a tight 45 minute set at a garage sale! Sure I still have more daddy issues than a knocked-up, small town stripper but I like to think the challenging times made me a much more empathetic and wiser person. It also resulted in me getting a boob job which was clearly an impulse purchase. I can never eat much when I’m stressed but when I did regain my appetite, I tried to nourish my soul with good,comforting, healthy food so that I wouldn’t need to get a soul lift or tuck to match my breasts!

Between the acting, comedy, tv hosting, podcasting and a best selling book, you still manage to find the time to look sexy. What is your best advice for staying healthy with such a busy schedule?

Everyone is driven or motivated by something different and personal to them. The old cliché about having nothing if you don’t have your health comes into play here. Once your age no longer starts with a “2” you realize that, unless you’re a sparkly vampire, you are mortal and here renting this body for a limited time only. I believe in reincarnation and plan on coming back as one of Adam Levine’s tattoos in my next life but this life is short. It’s not just a matter of making healthy living a priority, the key is to find a reason to live your life to the absolute fullest and harness as much energy as possible. What blows your skirt up? Do you want more quality time playing with your children? Do you want to be sexually active even in the nursing home? Do you want to be able to host SNL and work on a sitcom into your early nineties like Betty White? Well then you better get your Spanx-free butt moving and do the occasional vegetable shooter. I really believe finding something physical that you love is clutch. For example, I can’t run 10 feet unless someone wielding a knife is chasing me, but I can dance for hours so dance classes are my cardio. I also love yoga because I want to be as flexible as my morals and be able to rock the splits when I’m 80! I hate weight training but my friend teaches a Pump class so now I’ve included that into my regime because there’s music blasting and we can hang out afterwards. Work the system, yo! I also lie to myself on a constant basis. I know if I say I’ll go for a short walk with the dogs, it will turn into an hour-long walk, etc…Once you discover how damn good the endorphins feel, you’ll be hooked. We’re all addicted to something so it’s a matter of shifting our addictions to something that actually benefits us. Diet is THE most important component in staying healthy. We are living in a very enlightened time now so we know how important nutrition is and what a difference it can make in our daily lives. Healthy food options are available pretty much everywhere so if you just try to eat well 80% of the time, you’re golden. Sugar and fast foods are evil so it’s best to keep them at bay. If you can’t pronounce an ingredient, it shouldn’t go in your mouth. I throw everything I know is good for me (but don’t necessarily like the taste of) into a yummy smoothie every day so I know I’m covered. It’s easier to stay on track if you roll with people who are like-minded and share your passion for good health. It also helps that my husband is a gourmet cook because, if I lived alone, I would just convert the kitchen into a pole-dancing studio. Finally, don’t take everything so seriously, have a sense of humour about it. Laughter burns calories and if you’re too strict with yourself and others, you’ll just end up dying alone and your sexy body will go to waste. PS I also put red chili peppers and/or hot sauce on everything with the exception of pancakes. But I’m thinking of going there soon. What won’t I do?

Alright, so apparently you see a psychic colon hydrotherapist…um explain??

Yes, I see Eloise every month and she hates that I call her a psychic colon therapist! But she is a very intuitive nutritionist and definitely one of my angels. Plus, I really like the idea of having poo from 1992 removed from my body. Eloise has really been a health mentor to me (and hundreds of others). It’s also impossible to scam her because, even more than Santa, she truly knows if you’ve been bad or good. She is like my yoda, so wise and spiritual and she’s a warrior who’s seen it all. Eloise believes that holistic, Eastern medicine should be combined with the best that Western medicine has to offer. She’s more into combining organic, healthy food with lots of sleep than Xanax with Vicodin. Total well-being is all connected, spiritual, physical, emotional, mental. I try to be spiritual by getting Botox in my third eye and having my chakras lubed and rotated every month.

I know you take really good care of yourself, but I have to ask, if you were to indulge in something dirty (meaning food, not sex toys), what would it be and why?

First of all, I’m not much of a sex toy chick. I got my vibrator at IKEA and once I got it home, I couldn’t figure out how to put it together. Also, I’m an old married woman so now my idea of doggy-style is to spin around in bed three times before I finally plop down and scratch myself. This is an easy answer for me: my dirty food is something salty. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth but I’m a savory person big time. I could just sit all night in the corner with a salt-lick and be happy. So my dirty foods are chips, fries or pizza.

If you were stranded on a desert island and could only bring one food with you, what would it be and why?

See the smoothie recipe listed below but add a salted rim and Tequila. This way I get all my nutrients (because I will clearly be rockin’ a bikini on the Island) but I’ll also be pleasantly tippled while I’m waiting to be rescued.

What 3 words would you use to describe your relationship to food in the past and in the present?

Let’s go with nurturing, celebratory and medicinal. If I think about it, I have a pretty good relationship with food and Lord knows, it’s by far my longest! I like to stick with people for all my dysfunctional relationships.

green monster smoothieGREEN MONSTER SMOOTHIE

1 cup of Almond Milk
1 banana
1  handful of raspberries
1 tablespoon of Udo’s Oil 3-6-9 Blend
1 scoop of your preferred protein powder (Vanilla flavour is best!)
1 teaspoon of all natural organic peanut butter
1 tablespoon of organic coconut butter or coconut oil
1 tablespoon of Amino Complete
1 teaspoon of organic white chia seed
1 tablespoon of ground premium flaxseed
1 tablespoon of Green Vibrance
6 to 8 cubes of ice
Blend in the blender until nice and smooth Baby!

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