The sweetest thing about being wrong.

Sometimes, I hate admitting I’m wrong, that maybe things didn’t turn out the way that I had hoped or God forbid I fell weak at one moment in my life.

I’m stronger, bigger and don’t need your help thank you.

[Allow me to introduce you to my pride]

And while its 2:45am in the morning and my bed is painfully calling for me, I’m sitting here typing away, because this evening I was proved wrong and needed to write it off. It began over a dinner party I threw for my mentor Hernan Morris and his wife Koula. Just before leaving he corrected me about duende.

Despite my thoughts of duende meaning a “heightened state of emotion” it’s apparently about facing death, feeling it and then finally starting anew…like a revival from the ashes. Which when looking back, I realized something crucial.

Figuratively speaking, I fell off my bike, got hurt and got back on before anyone noticed. I was strong and I could continue. I stayed on this bike which got heavy as someone clung to me. I tried to keep going and prove to society that this time my relationship would work, but soon, the relationship and my bike fell flat and thankfully, he got off.

It’s now that I realize that I was wrong months ago and should have let go and let that part of me die so a new part could be reborn.  Sometimes the fear that keeps us peddling away and avoiding all else, actually holds us back until life forces us to stop.

So as I sit here contemplating this Latin philosophical belief, I can’t lie to you, I’m indulging in one insanely sexy dessert at almost 3am.

BLUEBERRY LEMON “CHEESECAKE”

1 1/2 cups cashews (soaked for 2 hours)
2 cups walnuts (soaked for 2 hours)
1 bar of Green & Black 70% chocolate bar
1/2 cup medjool dates
Juice from half lemon
¼-1/2 cup honey
1 package of blueberries
6 tbsp coconut oil
Scrappings from one vanilla bean.
Pinch sea salt

Blend soaked walnuts and dates in a food processor until crumbly. Stick mixture into a greased

Blend soaked cashews, honey, lemon juice, blueberries, coconut oil, vanilla and salt in a food processor until smooth. Make sure to scrape down sides along the way. Pour mixture into crust and place in the freezer for several hours. Drizzle with melted chocolate.

Alright so it’s not exactly healthy to be eating at 3am, but on the bright side sans the dairy and white sugar I’m not birthing the typical cheesecake baby. Instead I’m grounding my kidney Qi with a blueberry rich cheesecake. But ya, okay, it’s probably best to do so before 8pm…but hey, no one’s perfect.

As for relationships…

Like many of you, I stayed with someone because I wanted to believe so bad that I could make it work when I knew in my heart it never would. And our bodies will always physically produce imbalances that our emotions try to bury.

So I hope that if you’re like me, that you’ll throw away your shame and pride and admit that you’ve crashed. Maybe you’ll take the time to reflect in your own darkness (past or present) and rediscover that sometimes admitting that you went wrong is the first step to being right.

[Enter the real duende]